Saturday, December 18, 2010


P erhaps you are one of those progressive people belonging, a fraction  of the population not complacent, unhappy individuals unwilling to submit to peer pressure at any price, custom and use.

The time to act is here.  Or to go through
the movements as if. Turfers *, like Smokers have to be put in their place.  Fetichists, individuals, groups, institutions refusing to let the lawns go will be declared a pest by the American Psychiatrists Association.

A control group directed by your humble servant to set the example will be designated, it has to start at home.
Dave', Garden Stew, Blotanists, most golf courses and Sierra Club for example.

Others will have six months to a year, after the notification, to mend their ways. Ground covers or any suitable way to substitute, eliminate the object of the crime, lawns.

Individuals with lawns in their property will be notified of their ecologically incorrect ways, by certified mail, in person/electronic mail; unless no irrigation with treated water, use of gas/oil/propane/diesel/electricity, fertilizers, pesticides, herbicides and fungicides in its maintenance is demonstrated.

This is an act of good faith. Just like the National Rifle Association justifies guns at home. It is not the guns killing people,
its people. After wards,  if no irrigation and so forth is proved, then you may keep the lawn, it if cut by sheep, goat or any type of push/horse mower.

You may start wondering, is AC, our hero going nuts? NO. Just setting trends, a mission. What if all this fails? There is another path, the Ludovido Technique.

Film buffs may remember the 1971, masterpiece Clockwork Orange, by Stanley Kubric.  The protagonist in the story is 'cured' of his violent, antisocial, ways through behavior modification, in this case, the aversion therapy or Ludovico's Technique.

To reverse this conditions the protagonist is subjected to a technique in which his emotional responses to violence are systematically paired with a negative stimulation in the form of nausea caused by an emetic medicine administered just before the presentation of films depicting violent and "ultra-violent" situations.**

The following, is the prescription, after any other persuasion methods have failed.

The culprits, people, not lawns, will be placed in a room with the medical treatment described above.

Films and documentaries of people walking twenty miles to fetch a gallon of water, people starving consequence of droughts, algae in the ocean/ponds killing tons of crustaceans, mussels, fish consequence of phosphates, nitrates and potasium, flora and fauna destroyed by chemicals, people gathered during a picnic the 4th of July, Labor Day, the USA Open and Tiger Adulterer Woods,  for a personal touch, will be shown.

All the scenes should be justaposed for better results. Another film Soylent Green, with Charlton Heston, could
be used as reference.  If people do not mend their ways, there will be nothing
for their grandchildren, or children or that ultra stupid repeated, common place phrase, for a better life/future.


Educated suggestions to improve this project  will be considered and evaluated.

* Addicted, infatuated with lawns
** Taken from Wikipedia

Time to go, apague y vayase.


Ludovico Arcimboldo Lawn Erradication Front
wishes our fans and foes in every continent, isles and peninsulas

Happy Holidays


  1. Very good...people who use lawns decoratively (wuithout a real usage need), as well as those who insist on using cold climate plants in the SW desert, have an illness that needs treatment.

    I like your word, "Turfers", to describe the lawn addicts...perhaps "Xeriphobes" or "desertphobes", depending on the locale. A friend from Florida coined a word, "Arcticists", to describe the mountain or cold-climate plant addicts here; they prefer Michigan or Aspen.

    It is time to move places from the grip of humid temperate lawns into their own deserved garden styles, to create habitats for all.

  2. Thanks for the feedback; there are similar problems in different contexts.

    People must be the problem. An intercontinental lack of understanding the relation of flora/fauna,
    nature, context, micro climates, temperature,
    heat, drought...and else..


Popular Posts