Monday, July 9, 2012


THERE  is an evident tendency in television lately.
At least in USA, cup cakes competitions, restaurant impossible, bar rescue, swamp people, gold diggers, men vesus food (eating like a hog),  porn and Cajun pawn shops, all aimed at white folks or rednecks if you prefer. Gardening has been forgotten in their one track riff raff oriented mind/world.

I propose  Garden Police. In this show, I would be the chief judge. Traveling conditions and salary is

Participants will not,  be humiliated with cynical comments at all or be interviewed. or speak, who cares about your opinions if the composition, plant selection speaks for you for your landscape designer, landscape architect or yourself.

My proposal is simple. As in the cup cakes tv show,  your garden will be strictly judged on aesthetics or presentation value for your geographic region.

But in my educated opinion, what will determine a winner are the following:  cost of men/hours doing the maintenance for the month/year. 

How much oil/gas/propane/diesel/electricity is used in any power tools for the keep up.

How much water it requires to keep the installation alive during the year/seasons, along with pesticide, herbicide and fertilizer. 

Some rules will be designed  to judge in specific eco-regions since the aesthetics, appearance of a garden in desert/rain forest situations and places in between are not necessarily the same.  Not for the untrained eye. Also in terms of pollution, water usage in a desert garden requires more and less of each.

The botanical inventory, including plants, insects, birds and such. If you have animals of companion hanging x amount of hours in the garden, you get a bonus, since some pets or aoc tend to disturb, destroy, damage.

Measures will be important to determine the percentage of lawns, hedges, topiaries as a whole.
The more of each, less chance to win.

Gardens with palm trees of any kind except those I accept will receive a demerit to be add at the end.

Trees, bushes, plants and vines  providing fruit and/or fragrance will get a bonus.

Now you have the picture or photo of the concept.
Meanwhile take a deep breath, how would you and your garden measure up?

The prizes would vary. A cup cake from Karen me wife friend/entrepeneur  with one or two Antigonum the barista made espresso coffee or a round trip to gualt disney world in Florida, even if you live in Florida. 

Everyjuan can participate it does not matter if your garden is an acre or more or 450 square meters.



  1. Great show idea, as well as analysis of the decline of US culture (into pop-culture). All your criteria are spot-on, and you get this more from Puerco Rico than most do in the mainland...notably those in the media, who say they are responding to what people want. (which is more likely what they want and perceive will make them money, keep their jobs, etc)

    Good prize idea, too. I bet the goods of that cupcake woman/primadonna taste absolutely terrible, too.

    The palm tree demerit is a good one, though for me, if used where other species would work better. IE, fail when El Paso plants cheap, tall Washingtonia robusta instead of something that actually likes it's environment more times.

    Thanks, Officer Cajan.

  2. Thanks for the feedback.

    The idea came along while channel surfing, finding the show host hog, trying to finish a 72 ounce steak with potatoes, or a disgusting 5 pounds burger with cheese and side dishes.

    HGTV used to present so-so and decent gardening shows, the best i ever saw was British. Urban Gardening or something like that. The young fellow created wonderful compositions in postage stamp size yards!

    1 palm accepted, Phoenix canariensis in the right space and context.

  3. Such a good idea. I guess I might get a cupcake and an espresso! I have many edibles in my garden, my palms provide seeds to eat for a certain native pigeon, so you might give me a little leeway there; I do so understand, all these nonsense shows from the brain dead to the the brain dead!

  4. Let the record show no participant will be penalized as indicated now. Useful palm trees, as those mentioned, cocos nucifera and date palms are all right. The ruling applies only to those inadequate in the urban concrete/asphalt.

    Which by the guay is now clarified, there will be urban and not, garden specifications.

    Thanks for the visit. The cupcake will be the carrot kind, me favorite. The coffee, dark with a touch of cinnamon.


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